I've been overweight my entire life. Even as a baby, I was heavy. I put weight on as I grew up, quite rapidly. I was a chubby and lazy baby that grew into a chubby and lazy toddler that grew into an overweight and lazy kid that grew into an obese and lazy teenager. So here I am today, finally putting a stop to the rising number on the scale and trying my hardest to reverse the damage I have done to my body my entire life, one pound at a time.

I never really realized my weight when I was younger. I realized that I was bigger than other kids, my clothes seemed tighter, I had a double chin, and I couldn't run as much as them. That's it. I never felt different and disconnected from others because of my weight. I was the same as them, just a little bigger. I was always the tallest, also. I never looked like I was my age. I always looked older. But none of that ever affected me when I was young. I had many friends and I had a great attitude (except for being especially sassy/bossy).

I was always bullied, though. When I was in kindergarten, I remember being asked why I was so fat. I don't remember my reaction, but I probably cried. Or just walked away. As I grew up, I was bullied a lot. A kid in my school, a year older than me, at a school organized halloween party, asked if I was dressed up as the fattest person ever (I was actually dressed as a cat, thank you very much). I was sitting on the stairs alone when he said it. All I said was, "OBVIOUSLY I'm a cat. Do you not see my tail?" He continued to bully me until he was expelled, three years later.

After that, I was mainly bullied online. I got a myspace when I was like 9. (I know. I was so young. I only made one because I always saw my older sister on it.) I posted like 3 pictures of myself, thinkin' I was all cute, and then I started receiving messages from strangers about how fat I was and how ugly. I would cry and cry.. and then get over it. That happened for like 2 or 3 years. The list of people I blocked on myspace for harassment became very long. I didn't let that bullying ruin me, though.

I always acted confident. I was sassy, strong, and independent as a kid. I was also hilarious. I was comfortable in my own body-despite how big I was. My mom had to make my 1st Eucharist dress herself because I couldn't find a white dress that fit me. She had to make my costume for a school play because I couldn't buy one that fit. She has had to make Halloween costumes for me when I was younger, also. I was quite large and in charge, but I wasn't ever insecure.

Now that I am a teen, I am anything BUT confident. I always try to make myself look pretty with makeup and cute clothes, but I just feel ugly behind this extra weight. I've let my weight rule my life and hold me back. I was so insecure that I don't go out with friends when I am invited because I don't want people to see me. I don't go shopping with friends because I can't wear anything at their stores, and there is no way that I would drag them into DEB or torrid, where attention is focused on me finding clothes that fit. It seemed like every time I went out in public with my friends, I would be ridiculed and made fun of by strangers.  

The thought of going on walks with my friends or family still makes me terrified. I would walk on the main road with one of my friends and hear 'FAT ASS!' screamed out of the window. I would always just shrug it off and laugh, but I really felt like I wanted to die. My great uncle, possibly the sourest grump of a person, made fun of me 1 halloween when I was probably in 2nd grade. I rang his doorbell saying 'Trick or treat!!" and he held out a piece of candy and said 'Should I give it to her, Cathy? (My older cousin) Or do you think she'll explode?' I cried. After that, I wouldn't EVER talk to him at family parties, or eat around him. He honestly is such an ass. When I was made fun of at such young ages, all I thought was 'Would they REALLY yell insults out of their car windows at me if they only knew I was in 3rd, 4th, 5th grade?' Now that I'm older, I don't get yelled at as much. I find that completely and absolutely rediculous and disgusting. 

Now that I am 15, and currently 340ish pounds (highest 360), I realize I don't want to live my life being uncomfortable and insecure. I want to be healthy and fit. I want to keep up with people my age and show everyone that I CAN do WHATEVER I want to do. I REALLY want to lose weight so I can see the kid who bullied me in kindergarten (he lives a street away) and just shock him. I want him to talk to me just so I can say a loud and proud FUCK YOU and walk away. But honestly, the main reason for my weight loss is for myself. I want to help myself. That is why I am dropping the weight.

LOLOLOLOL when i was like 5,6ish?? No idea..

I was 10 or 9 I believe. On the left, obviously. My older cousin on the right.

August 2010- about 320 lbs

highest- 360 lbs